I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
