Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
