You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
