I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
