i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
