I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
