if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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