We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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