How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
