She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
