am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
