having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize