I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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