Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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