bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize