WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
