screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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