Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish they made helmets for livers.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
