Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
