What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That accounts for only three of the penises
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
