I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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