New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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