Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The air taste purple.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
