throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
