He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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