Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
