how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
