I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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