yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
