We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
