That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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