apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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