i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
