I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish you could order shots online.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
