Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
