oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
