Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
