Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize