Screwed.edu
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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