I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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