In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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