Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
