Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
