Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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