Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We talked him into tasing himself.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
