You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Green mimosas i think yes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
