ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
