i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
