If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
