Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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