I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
