so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
