do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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