I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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