My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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