There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize