i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize