so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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