Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
