dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
