And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
