he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
