I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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