my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize