I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
