You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
