How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
