When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
