wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
