i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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