When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
