saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
