you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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