You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
