so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
