Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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