Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I look better un-naked...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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