If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize