i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
