Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
