I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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