Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
