Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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