I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
